Hacksaw: Khalil Greene’s anxiety disorder alarming

Khalil Greene, then, as a San Diego Padre.
Slugging shortstop…Vacuum cleaner glove…Human highlight reel.

Khalil Greene, then, as a person.
Quiet; Reserved; Private.

Khalil Greene, recently, as a St. Louis Cardinal.
Introspective; Depressed; Emotionally troubled.

Khalil Green, now, on a Memphis rehab stint.
Reclusive; Anxious; A danger to himself.

The tunnel leading from the Padres luxurious clubhouse to the dugout is dark, with gray cement walls and dimly-lit side corridors. It was an eerie place to have a conversation, but the topic matched the atmosphere.

Down the right-field line in the shadows by the bullpen — before batting practice and away from the noise and din of a pregame, I had to hear it twice explained to me to make sure I was correct in what I heard.

Worry amongst people from different clubs, who knew the player, and were concerned more about the person.

The transaction wire read: Khalil Greene placed on the disabled list with social anxiety disorder.

The story is not just about a deepening slump or errors in the field. It is about the mental makeup and the well-being of a player we all knew and most of us liked. It is a scary story of a darker side few knew existed that has now taken a turn for the worse.

I was upset to hear there had been more injuries and more violent outbursts, some in front of teammates and others in private. It was alarming.

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A baseball official told me the Cardinals shortstop had injured himself again in multiple emotional incidents. This after a winter of off-season work trying to analyze and cope with the stress he had put himself under. It was a big setback for Khalil Greene, putting his future in jeopardy.

This, days after the Cardinals sent the ex-Padres fan favorite home on a road trip from San Francisco. This just two weeks after Greene confirmed he had tried to “injure” himself multiple times when the going got bad. This just 10 months after he broke his left hand punching a storage locker after another poor performance in a game as a Padre. This after former CEO Sandy Alderson filed a grievance to recoup some $1.4M in salary and bonuses from his contract.

Khalil Greene, unable to cope with failure, has left the St. Louis team. He is under the care of private physicians, not club doctors, as they try to sort out the pressurized situations he puts himself in and how he reacts to them.

The small-town kid from Western Pennsylvania went to Clemson and starred as a slugging shortstop. He is the only first-round draft pick of the Padres who actually made an impact in the last 15 years. They knew him to be private, moody and intense. They never expected it to grow to these dimensions.

In the shadows of the stadium, the only place these things can be discussed in private, I heard complimentary and critical things from those around him while he spent five years with the Padres. But the one amazing thing I heard is that few knew the depths of his emotional despair and a number wished they could reach out and get a returned cell phone call or a text message.

Greene did not socialize much with teammates away from the yard. Some called him an odd guy. Others said his conversations were short and crisp. The kid shortstop, who made tons of plays in the hole behind second base and onto the outfield grass, never sat and talked about the game with teammates.

He shied away from the Padres charitable functions. His interviews were generic and seldom insightful. He was always prideful of his performance

He hit a bunch of home runs but never wanted to be compared to the likes of the last great slugging shortstop in baseball, Cal Ripken of the Orioles. He would not hear of any of that type of conversation. He was egoless.

The six-year veteran controlled every facet of his career. What he ate. How he trained. Tuned to his body’s needs and understanding the rigors of a long season. His in-game preparation. He knew the game, cared about the game and wanted a good outcome from the game.

He was also emotionless, never showing much passion in terms of smiles or laughs or anger until the locker punching incident in San Diego.

He carried his problems to St. Louis, where there were multiple screaming episodes in the tunnel next to the Cardinals dugout and in the clubhouse in front of teammates. There had been pounding incidents too, the same type of blowup that led to last year’s broken hand. Questioned by Cardinals management, he admitted the on-going problems had worsened.

And in the darkness of the places I spoke to people comes the rest of the story. How Khalil Greene admitted last year he was not coping. How there was an offer from people here to help. The good person was dealing with bad times. Greene, who was always energized, now appeared lackluster and uncommunicative. His composure went away as his frustrations mounted. He internalized so much; everything became a negative.

In interviews with the St. Louis Post-Dispatch, he admitted that once he does something to himself in a form of self punishment, his anxiety goes away. He told Fanhouse.com he has dealt with these feelings since he was a youngster, of needing an outlet when he fails. Doctors treating social anxiety say these releases can be of anger, of sadness or of hurting one self.

A base hit here, a home run there, was replaced by immediate worries of what he would do in his next at-bat. He did not have a shortness of breath or dizziness or racing heartbeats; he had a mental drain, a constant companion of the reminders of failure followed by the internal anger to explode. When he failed, he then reacted. There seemed no joy left for the player who seemed to give Padres fans so much joy.

Padres front office execs and coaches both told me they noticed his game changed. His magic with the glove seemed to disappear. He quit diving for balls. He lost his range at shortstop. He flailed away in the batter’s box, and was continually experimenting with changes with his stance. His communication process with coaches tailed off. Self-analysis became self destructive.

Khalil Green had the makings of something special with the Padres. He hit 72 homers in a four-year span, always batting somewhere between .250 and .270. The gift with the glove, gliding left or right, turning the double play, was artistry - almost Ozzie Smith-like.

But the downhill slide began last July. He hit .150 in a gruesome month of strikeouts and errors. The memory of his strongest season in 2007 (.254, 27 HRs) faded quickly. Then the punching incident, the suspension, the grievance and the trade to the Cardinals.

What could have been a new lease on life — going to a magical baseball city in St. Louis and playing for a manager like Tony LaRussa, could have been a tonic to solve his problems. He hit .481 in the Grapefruit League; it was easy to believe a clean slate and a breath of fresh air would solve all that ailed him.

But his batting average plunged to an anemic .200 the opening week. He committed six errors early. He was benched and it only got worse. The demons took over his life and his game. When the Cardinals put him on the DL and on a plane home last week, he was in a 1-for-20 slump.

St. Louis owes him $6.5M this year. The Cardinals believe the Padres owe them an explanation of Greene’s internal problems — what they knew, when they knew it and what they did about it. The trade cost the Redbirds two relief pitchers and now they’ve lost their Opening Day starter at shortstop.

Baseball history knows the stories of players who have battled problems. Red Sox star outfielder Jimmy Piersall had a nervous breakdown in the 1950s, but rebounded to have a 17-year career. The movie “Fear Strikes Out” detailed his inner struggles and the daily challenges.

Cincinnati Reds catcher, Willard Hershberger killed himself in a team hotel in 1940 after poor performances during the drive to the Reds pennant. He wept in front of his manager, went back to the hotel and cut his wrists. St. Louis sources told me they do not believe Greene is a “danger to himself.”

This year alone, Dontrelle Willis, once a 20-game winner, left the Detroit Tigers because of anxiety attacks, and is struggling in his comeback. Reds slugger Joey Votto, batting .370, is currently on the DL with stress attacks from an ear infection that is not healing. Zack Greinke, the ace of the Kansas City Royals staff, missed virtually an entire season with anxiety attacks that led to depression.

Khalil Green is seeking help. I hope it saves his career, but more importantly saves his life. Those I talked to think he may quit rather than deal with the game that triggers such negative feelings. He took batting practice last weekend with the Cardinals, and last Tuesday agreed to report to Memphis on a 20-day rehab assignment. He went 4-for-8) in his first two games with the Triple A-team.

I hope he is with St. Louis when the Cardinals play here Aug. 21. I hope the fans give him a truly classy welcome home. Khalil Greene needs friends and help.

I hope when he steps into the batter’s box in the sunshine of a summer evening, they give him the “hit away” sign too.

It would be a better sign that he has made progress in his own personal battles — not with fastballs or with groundballs in the hole — but with himself and the emotional curveball he is dealing with in his career and life. Hopefully, the dark shadows in Khalil Greene’s life will go away.

Lee “Hacksaw” Hamilton hosts Baseball talkshows on the XM-Home Plate Channel, and was a longtime sportstalk host on XTRA 690-1360.

Tags: SDNN

This entry was posted on Thursday, June 11th, 2009 at 3:51 pm and is filed under Baseball, Padres, Sports. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.